i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
