Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
