So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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