you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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