At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
