It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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