she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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