question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
soo... how was my night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize