put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
