Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize