You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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