so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize