Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
