Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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