I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
did i just pee glitter
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
