Kiss
Puke
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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