Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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