My room smells like vodka and shame
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
