Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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