theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
