I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
