i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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