Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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