This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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