Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
