he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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