oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
