dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
