After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize