You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
