thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
