worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
