I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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