PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
