it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
