they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This baby is an asshole
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
