while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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