Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
