You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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