Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
