sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
