Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize