im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
