it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
