You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
