Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
