Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
