I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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