the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
