I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
