apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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