I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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