Where is the hickey?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
