I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
