Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
