so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
