Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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