i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
