Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
