Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
