So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
