i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
