Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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