how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
