I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
