I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
