Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
