you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
