a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
