Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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