I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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