guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
