..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
