I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
