obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
do nipples grow back?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
