Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
