why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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