then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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