Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
