if you like me you must not know who I am
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
