Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
