I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
