just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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