First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
