I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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