Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
