Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dicks are not precious.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
