I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
