8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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