explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
