That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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