that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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