We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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