singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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