We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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