i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
