yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
