my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
