It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
