I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
