He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Even my vagina gasped.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
