Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
